It’s different when it’s your boyfriend that you’ve been with for years that you know accepts you as you are and loves you regardless of how you choose to wear your hair or he’s watched you grow as a woman, transform and has gone through that transition process with you but how does it really feel to date with natural hair & that guy is still a “stranger”.
Has being natural become a serious topic to discuss when you are getting to know one another? I recently realized that natural hair is a dating topic to be discussed when trying to get to know someone. Topics as important as religion, politics, education, culture etc. Its even more important to talk about it if you were rocking your protective style on your first few dates and he’s yet to see what your real hair looks like yet, if it short, long, straight or curly.
Please believe I LOVE my natural hair and I am NOT suffering from low self esteem. I just feel that this is something many women like myself are going through and think about. Will he like me any less because of how strong and aggressive my hair is or feel intimidated or that he cant take me to certain up scale places or less polished because it not straight and refined.
Is it natural to have thoughts in the back of your mind like what does he think about black hair? Has he ever dated a woman with natural hair? Does he know I’m wearing my hair like this intentionally? How do I enlighten him to help him see the beauty in what grows naturally from my scalp, unprocessed, and worn in its natural state. This is a conscious choice I have made to wear my hair in its truest form. How do I express to him the amount of freedom, pride & self love I take in my own hair? Yes, hair is just hair but it is an external part of my identity as a black woman.
Honestly, I still do not feel that natural hair has become social acceptable and has not become a wow factor for most black men today. Most of us still walk around with this slavery mentality that can easily take you back to where you once were, feeling that your hair isnt good enough because it no longer fit the Euoproen standards of beauty.
I believe this is a conversation that needs to be had in a new relationship because you might take much pride and enjoyment in your coils but he might not like it and yes you might say is not for him to like. Yes, I agree but it is a vital part of the dating process getting to know if you are compatible and or compliment one another.
I recently had a conversation and somehow the topic of hair had come up. I proceed to ask, have you ever dated a black woman with natural hair and he said no he hasn’t but he doesnt care just as long as it looks good and however you choose to wear your hair looks well groomed and taken care of. However, in my mind I was like yeah yeah… you’ve yet to see my full fro blown out and tends to stand out.
Okay so I fianlly take out my protective style and noticted that I was starting to feel self conscious about my natural hair for the first time in my life. I wasnt sure what I was feeling and then I realized that this was the first time I had to allow a man to validate and see the beauty in a part of my identity. I wanted him to appreciate my hair as much as I do. I relaized that how he feels about my hair isn’t up to him. I have the power to control his feelings and reaction towards my hair, based on the enegery I give off. If I behave in a negative and shameful manner about my hair around him then that will equally make him feel the same way. My goal is to enlighten him and know that however I choose to wear my hair should be no concern of his and if it is a problem then you are just not the guy for me. And you’ll be surprised how many guys actually LOVE it and embrace the natural hair movement.
Natural hair is a process and the journey begins when you decide to take control of your life and decide who you are and what you want. I suggest with dating and natural hair the first step is to have him define what beauty is, from his definition you’ll know if he is the guy for you or if its best to keep it moving.
#Thoughts?
2 Comments
What you said about energy is so true! How you feel about your hair is how others will feel too. But then there are men who just don’t like natural hair and that’s fine #Ontothenext…Lol My co-worker speaks negatively of her beautiful natural hair all the time. Even when myself and other co-workers compliment it. Interestingly enough, she once told me that a guy she was dating wanted her to relax it but she refused. She told him if that’s what he likes then to find a girl that has that. It’s possible he just didn’t like natural hair but if she won’t even accept our compliments, maybe he just didn’t like the energy she was giving off about her natural hair. Mmmm..
Personally there is no amount of good energy that is going to make him like your hair. Some men simply like what they like regardless of anything you do to your hair. All you can really do is wear your hair HOW YOU LIKE it and if he don’t like that you just move on to the next.