The state of womanhood in Nigeria resembles that of furniture.
Furniture is an object, to be looked at and observed.
WE are not objects.
WE are women…
With fully functioning minds that are capable of making decisions beyond the kitchen.
Several occurrences during our brief stay in the village, left us feeling like property .
Womanhood in Nigeria seemed to be a complete joke .
Feminism seemed to be non existent !
We fear that it can never really exist in Nigeria or be apparent because women help perpetuate this barbaric patriarchal traditions.
Throughout our stay in Nigeria, we felt like cast members of “Pride & Prejudice ” ( ironically that happens to be one of our favorite books & movies lol) .
Every three seconds in Nigeria we were reminded by men and WOMEN; what a woman should and should not do. We were beyond frustrated because we encountered plenty of educated women with several degrees that should no longer carry the old school mentalities of women being seen and not heard. We assumed that they would realize after being educated that a woman can do more than cook egusi soup.
How can it be 2015 and a woman cannot sit in front of the room when men are present?This is an example of old traditions that have to be followed still in this day and time.
Listed below are a few things my sister and I were told :
” Men do not serve food : women do “
“Women don’t where pants, men do “
“Women can only wear skirts or dressed to Church”
“Your skirt is too short “
“Your dress is not appropriate”
“Cover your head , women are supposed to cover their hair before attending Mass “
“Make your bed once you wake up , a woman should never make a mess .”
“Don’t raise your voice , a woman should always speak gently .”
and this went on and on, especially around our elders and older relatives.
The crazy part about all of this was, the women were the ones who reminded us of our place and our purpose is this world.
Throughout our trip we felt like a pieces of furniture.
In the village it seemed like most men and women in Nigeria believed that a woman’s overall value is based on her ability to give birth to a son.
Our voice…
Our opinion…
Had no value …
Unless we are of the opposite sex.
Being in the more rural parts of Nigeria felt like an old boys club and we could see why women got married at such young ages. Or why women took such pride in being housewives. For many women , it meant that they had arrived.
In Nigeria , society is set up in a way that makes women need men for EVERYTHING !
Yes, there are several female entrepreneurs and bosses in Nigeria, but most people question how these women have reached their success. Then later try to associate their wealth and position to be directly correlated to the man in their life. May it be their father, lover, husband, brother, sugar daddy, or deceased husband . Despite the fact that one of the richest ladies in the world is Nigerian . People just naturally assume that a woman would of had to have a man help her get into her current position. People seemed to believe that every madam must have an Oga who is helping her socially climb. LOL
Truthfully….
The wise Nigerian woman knew to be heard but NOT seen, unless spoken too!
3 Comments
I think all that you have mentioned above exists mostly in villages. That mentality of women not wearing trousers or raising their voices, wearing only skirts and dresses to church are things I encounter only when I travel to my hometown. Outside those places, women’s opinions matter, they sit with men and make decisions, they give instructions -even to men, they lead and people follow.
Agreed though, a lot of people do assume that women live off men. That if a woman is driving an expensive car, it’s because her husband gave it to her or because she slept with some rich Alhaji and that’s extremely sad. People still think a woman who is wealthy and established is nothing if she isn’t married yet.
But that doesn’t rule out the possibility of Nigeria becoming a feminist nation. And I like to think that is already in motion. Yes, it’ll probably take time, but eventually.
Ginika,
I think your angle on this is spot on!
Great article, I agree with some of the facts presented but I will have to agree with the commenter above,most of what you observe are only common in villages. I wonder if you have observe the mentality of Nigerian women living in urban areas and their understanding of what it means to be a woman in a Nigeria.