Growing up, the perception was a black woman could wear as many hats as she wanted. As we grow older and our hips begin to fill out, a shift happens . There came a time where we had to make the decision to be either “Bad Bitches” or “Queens”.
Mama never told us : “when you grow up I want you to be a Bad Bitch or a Queen!”
I dont believe we ever really had an idea of what the two terms meant until we were exposed to them later on in life. My mother had always taught us that…… a woman is a person of many faces and charges: a mother, a daughter, a wife, a sister, a friend, a boss, a teacher etc. The list goes on. As an American born/Nigerian raised girls, our mother encouraged us to identify ourselves as Black or African-American women. But lately it does seem like there are sub-categories to black womanhood.
The new sub-groups of black-womanhood seem to have strict rules and requirements in order to maintain membership. Now a days, it seems like, you can tell who a black woman is by finding out which team shes on : “Bad Bitch” or “Queen”. One simple hashtag can now let someone know if a black woman is a .. I read Bell Hooks and Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie type or I watch Love and Hip-Hop and Real House Wives of Atlanta type. ( Because we defiantly do both ) LOL.
Even a black woman’s hair can now be a determining factor to which team she’s on. There seems to be a direct correlation between the way each team wears their hair and how they see themselves. Like, the good & bad hair salon scene from Spike Lee’s (Skool Daze). From our experiences, the black woman who identifies themselves as a “Bad Bitch” seem to either have a extensions or processed hair. Those who identify themselves as “Queens” tend to be natural with afro’s, dreads or braids. But how could the way one wears their hair as a black woman help other black woman determine which team to identify with?
We use to think that a woman (for the sake of this convo, a black woman) possesses the power to wear as many hats as she wants . African-American women must choose now between “Bad Bitch” or “Queen” based on their hairstyle. Why must we always find the need to label and divide ourselves, yet again? Why can’t we be both? Who knew a twist out could turn a black woman into a “Queen”? We never got the memo that Natural Hair & Twist Outs are to “Queens” as Perms & Tracks are to “Bad Bitches”. * gives side eye*
WE tend to depend on these “teams” and become them. Slowly evolving into what these teams represent, as if there are actually written guidelines on the requirements for how to become a “Queen” or “Bad Bitch”, like a petty little sorority war.
Honestly,we have to accept that there are all different types of black women, from 1A to 4C curl pattern. We have to stop and realize no matter the shape, skin complexion or hair type …. “Our black is always beautiful!”
Naturally speaking, women wear many hats daily. We must try hard to not categories each other as women because It truly limits us from being able to explore who we are and the endless possibilities of our womanhood.
The real question is, who made up these terms and what do they even mean to the black community? Something tells us that these terms weren’t created by us, yet WE as black women fully take on these roles and project them. Ultimately all of these terminologies are connected to a black women’s role to her man. Cause after all, what’s a “Bad Bitch” without her Boss or what’s a “Queen” without her King? See the problem with this is it allows women to subconsciously believe that we can not exist without defining ourselves or to fully understand our position without a man. We must learn that we “deserve to take up space!” As much as we want, wherever we want without out claiming any name or role. So the next time you see a fellow black woman don’t try to box her in as a “Bad Bitch” or “Queen”, instead search for a piece of yourself in her. After all, when we sign on the dotted line we write our names, not “BAD BITCH” or “QUEEN” !!
Thoughts ?
9 Comments
This was a great post! I just think us black women should not divide ourselves and look down on each other. Especially based on superficial things such as hair. We also do NOT need to seek validation and approval from a man in order to realize our worth. We’re so powerful on our own. A man labeling us a queen or bad bitch should never validate our self worth. I think we are so powerful when we come together to encourage and uplift one another. I think it’s really ridiculous the assumptions black women have to deal with based on how we decide to wear our hair {weaves/perms vs natural} or based on how it grows out of our scalp {kinky vs curly}. I mean it’s crazy! A simple hairstyle or curl pattern and people think they know you {your beliefs, preferences and the list goes on}. It’s so dumb. Never a judge a book by it’s cover! I love the blog ladies! Keep it up! Great insightful posts and beautiful pictures:-)
This is wonderful. Its sad that ignorance is the norm for the black society.
I think this post is spot on.
I have had so many different reactions depending on the way my hair is styled and it makes zero sense. For some strange reason I felt like I was the only one…
I found that it annoys me when people call me Queen just as much as it does it I am embodying this “Bad Bitch” persona. I know that sounds really strange. It annoys me because if I am a Queen only when I am wearing my headwrap/natural hair…you are actively negating the other Black women of the world who choose to wear weaves, or processed hair and I am against that. I have been in the same spaces with the same group of people and have felt the difference in how I am addressed, respected and viewed.
I am in a season where I am being very intentional about being as random and spontaneous as I want, because it is MY choice. I no longer look for the affirmation of my decisions from anyone and it is such a liberating experience 🙂
I think women have had these issues for a very long time and much like any oppressed group of people, it will take an intentional effort to fix it. We have to be intentional about affirming our sisters often and genuinely because WE need it. I think that if we begin to open our hearts and really see people…not their hair, complexion, clothes but see their humanity we will learn to walk boldly in our Queendom no matter how it may appear that day.
Wonderful posts & site!!!!
With all the love in the Universe!!
~Billie
Great Post, you touch on some key points.
Being someone who reads many black feminist and interscetionality books in addition to watching love and hip hop. People find it often difficult to categorize me.
Person: “What you doing? ”
Me: “Watching Love and Hip Hop”
Person: “It does not seem as though you would watch that”
As if I can’t light incense, burn oil, read Audre Lorde, June Jordan and watch love and hip hop in the same house. I think a piece of this is because society needs you to identify and when they feel like they can’t place you, it confuses them.
Well stay confused! That is non of my business LOL.
Anyway I believe Black men have been a part of creating these teams. Some will jump on whatever team they see trending. “No more bad bitches we need more Queens”. Yet just a day ago you sad you wanted bad bitches. This encourages Black women to think that one is better than the other. Yet jumping on the trends themselves.
I think as a Black women you should identify with whoever and whatever makes you feel comfortable. I think that when we identify as individuals it naturally becomes a team thing whether we like it or not. If a woman does not identify with that it is assumed she is hated by another. Which is not the case, not for me anyway.
Certain Memes on social network also encourage this.
But it does not stop at hair, skin complexion or books. People will group you based or city and economics. For example DC vs. Baltimore memes that are usually based on Black women. Leading many people to believe that Baltimore’s black women are horrible and DC’s black women are from Paradise. —_— Yet again creating negative separation.
I went on a rant…sorry. LOL
Thanks for sharing keep doing your thing sis!!
We are what God says that we are. We are created in His image, and He himself has so many names like Jehovah, Emmanuel, The Prince of Peace, so as His children, why are we putting ourselves and others in a box that doesn’t even fit?
My hair doesn’t define me, My complexion doesn’t define me. Even my blood type doesn’t define me.
We’ve got to stop finding superficial and insignificant reasons to cause division. God makes no mistakes with us. Everyone isn’t supposed to understand your beauty.
Whether I am wearing a weave, braids, or my natural hair, I will wear them all the same.. with pride.
Well said! I’ve written a post in the past discussing the new role models who are scantily clad, selling young girls dreams that the route to the top is hot & best manoeuvred butt-nekkid. That being said, I thoroughly enjoy ratchet tv and don’t think that defines me or my intellect…much like men can indulge in barbaric sports as boxing but still hold their own in a board meeting.
Why women choose to be defined by their characteristics, escapes me.
#teamNatural are down-to-earth women with a sense of self & a drive to fight for humanity? All this from a hairstyle choice? Hot damn! LOL!!!
BLEURGH – http://www.bleurghnow.com
As a woman I believe what we watch on TV far as women with the big butt pretty face and nice shape we what to be like them (bad bitch)..Instead being ourselves which is beautiful black queens
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